Fake a Smile Dear, The Camera is Rolling
by SleepyBirbPrince
Summary: Kaneki struggles with being the human he was born as, but learning to be the Ghoul he has become. Especially with a certain sunflower headed boy he's closest to, wedging a place in his heart that's a lot more special than for just friends. How can he be true to himself, when he's afraid that the one person he truly loves could hate him forever for it? HideKane. Eventual two-shot.
Hey guys, I found my old fanfiction account and decided I would give it a go on this website again :) Archive of Our Own is my main domain, but a little change never hurt anyone. I deleted practically everything, and I'm aiming for a fresh start on all my accounts. My writing might be a tad sketchy and bad, but I mainly write just to give myself some space from work and school and catch some relaxation where I can get it. It's just a huge stress relief if I must be honest.

So I wrote a little HideKane story to start off, and this is the first chapter of what will eventually be a two- shot. Tokyo Ghoul has a special place in my heart, and so does this little snugglemuffin Kaneki.

Anyways, Review, Fav, Follow, do whatever you'd prefer to your hearts content. I enjoy seeing people like my work.

So without further adieu, enjoy~

The shattering of a teacup against the wooden floor has me reeling back with a choked yelp, the shards splintering around my feet as I stumble back.

I'm not entirely sure where my head was when my bony hip connected with the edge of our coffee shop's marble counter top. Yet next thing I know, I'm blinking back to reality with a pained hiss and a steaming cup of coffee littering the floor amidst little glittering pieces of fine china.

"KANEKI?! What the actual hell is up with you?!" Touka's shrill exclamation draws me from my stupor, my eyes flickering up from the pitiful mess to the fuming fellow barista, a tray tucked under her arm and her eyes narrowed to slits.

I can't help but flinch slightly, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot as my jaw opens and snaps closed, a series of garbled speech melding together into incoherent babbling as I flush.

"I- I can't, I mean- I was just- the c- counter it just- uhm, I mean I... I was just walking and- I wasn't-.."

"Stop sputtering and flailing like a damn moron and explain what you mean dammit."

"S- sorry- sorry, sorry, I know I just- I don't want t- to make anything worse, I'm just thinking too much-"

"Well obviously you aren't thinking _ENOUGH_. Is screwing up a new sport you're into that I'm not aware of?"

 _Ouch... That stung._

I had grudgingly decided to work the night shift to make up for some earlier sick days, and I felt like the literal epitome of what a zombie is. With my dragging feet that scuffled along noisily, and my heavy lidded eyes adorned with an unflattering shade of purple hanging beneath them, I was probably a horrid sight to be greeted by with your drinks on a Saturday night.

School had been a tremendous weight on my shoulders lately, and I felt like the metaphor for weight wasn't so much of a metaphor the way my legs shook from exhaustion. My stumbling resembled a patient recovering from some sort of accident that tore away any symbolism of a normal gate or walk they once had. And my slurred speech created an awkward atmosphere that had me wishing for the earth to suddenly decide a deep, dark cavern should crack open beneath me and swallow me up.

Not to mention my new acquired taste for human flesh, and the struggle of finding my place in this world I had been so unaware existed. Ghouls aren't just mindless predators with a blood-lust and primal instinct, and I feel like this lie that's been hammered into my head since birth is hard to erase, but slowly ebbing away the more I talk and interact with them.

They're just like humans.

Or maybe humans are just like them?

I was like a fish out of water with the daily life of these people, and I was made sure to receive quite a scolding from Touka about it.

I was never exactly settled well in my life as a human either, as club activities made me fidget and prolonged contact with new people was a chore. I was an introvert who liked to read books more than hang out or party during free time like a lot of college kids.

So the feeling of oddness isn't necessarily unfamiliar.

The tight knit group of workers that resembled a family created a longing that tugged at my chest though. I found I so desperately wanted to nudge a spot into the huddled group portrait that hung on our coffee shop wall as well, between the manager in the middle and Touka on the right. Yet... Who knows, maybe that was just the little orphan self in me peeping up.

The only place I had ever been able to feel at home was with Hide.

I had managed to sneak a cup of coffee when the work flow grew less dense. I was hoping the cup of bitter liquid would perk me up enough to ensure the rest of this night went without failure, but it did little despite get me in trouble with a raging Touka for slacking off.

I was treading on fragile ice, and it was hard not to fuck up when I couldn't even focus on carrying a single cup of coffee to a customer without ambling around like some drunkard.

Did I mention this was the third cup I'd dropped today?

Now, I stand under the antagonizing gaze of my coworker, the flames licking at her lavender irises enough to nearly have me shitting my pants and begging just for enough time to write out what I wanted on my gravestone.

"Here lies Kaneki Ken, an average, college student with a love of books that was incidentally forced into a fucked up reality because he thought dating would be cool to try. Here lies whatever Touka decided to leave after pulverizing him to death."

Thankfully, I'm saved by a certain tall ginger, glasses perched on his pointed nose and a typical cat grin spread across his lips.

"Ah. Let him be. The brat always has his head in the damn clouds, overthinking his shit. I'm sorta surprised he isn't bald yet from all the stressing he does." Nishiki interrupts, the tense electricity churning between Touka and I diffusing slightly as he shoves past me with a broom in hand, rolling his shoulders with a yawn.

Nishiki was here due to some sick days as well, but he was making up for them a hell of a lot better than me.

I wince as he ruffles up my disheveled hair, and I slap at his hands, trying to sound a warning which only came out in a squeak. "Quit it Nishio!"

"Aw, hear that crack in his voice? I think Kaneki here just hit puberty. Let's celebrate."

"Harde- har. Very funny. Get your monster hands off my head asshole."

I curse, narrowing my eyes as he stops his assault with a light laugh and leaves me to desperately try flattening the stray hairs down with the palm of my hand. Nishiki begins to idly sweep up the mess, doing his best to avoid the spill and focusing on the sharp angled pieces while I surrender and slump back against a far walk.

"Touka, if you keep frowning like that you'll give yourself wrinkles dear." Nishiki sing songs, finding a new victim to terrorize as he disposes of the hazardous waste and I duck around his arms.

Much to my relief, the death glare is no longer locked on me, Touka taking the bait. Her jaw locks, and she does that pursed lip look that makes my spine crawl. Nishiki seems to brush off the look as easily as one does a piece of lint copping a ride out on your shoulder.

Amazing.

Maybe I should get lessons on defense from him rather than Yomo.

Cause Touka can sure be scary...

"And you'll be missing a few limbs if you keep talking to me like that _dear_." She retorts, leaning her hip against the wall, her features less pinched knowing the other is aiming for a rise. Nishiki erupts in a chuckling fit, but Touka simply looks in the opposite direction to avoid furthering the feud into a fight with customers still lingering.

I dust off my apron absently, trying to calm my frayed nerves, at least my shift is almost over in an hour or so, maybe laying low would be best.

"Guys... I'm sorry... I- I don't know what's wrong with me right now. My anxiety is through the damn roof and I feel like more of a burden here than a help. I promise I'll repay you guys... Just forget I'm even here for the rest of the night." I finish in a hushed tone, my eyes flickering down to gaze at my worn work shoes, a light splatter of dark coffee droplets dabbed along the toe of its shiny leather.

The sound of the bell on our door ringing signals the couples departure, leaving the coffee shop barren save for the three workers. I feel bad knowing they took their leave without a fresh cup, and that was my fault. Way to go Kaneki...

Both pairs of eyes watch me as my face contorts into an embarrassed look, my lips slowly murmuring a soft apology while I dejectedly amble over to plop myself down into one of the bar stools.

Nishiki looks like he's about to say something, but stops at the sight of Touka.

She runs her thin, black nail polished fingers through her hair, a conflicted look masking her typical neutral features as she decides to slide up into the seat next to me.

We were both aware at Touka's lack of comforting skills, so seeing her saddling up beside me with what seemed to be a fierce determination to help came as a surprise for the two of us.

I almost wanted to touch her forehead and make sure she wasn't running a fever.

She gently places the tray down, and drums her knuckles on the scuffed wood, avoiding my curious eyes as I scope out her face. Not a word is spoken for awhile, and I wipe my clammy palms over my slacks, anticipating her next words unsure. Is this another put down perhaps? Maybe even a exclamation of how much she hates me and wants me gone?

 _Geez, should I pack my bags already or am I overthinking this?_

She finally sighs and twists around to face me, and straighten up quickly, my body stiff as a board.

"Look Kaneki. It's... whatever. I know this, everything going on, is all-" She gestures vaguely at me with the pause, and I glance over with an uncomfortable grimace.

"-really, REALLY, crazy for you, and I'm definitely not the manager. He's always been good with talking, like he's some kind of life counselor or some shit. Probably sold his soul for it... And, in retrospect, I'm the absolute worst with words, so just shut up and don't take what I say too much to heart."

It's gonna be okay. You don't have to suddenly cope with all of us like its second nature, and I would probably be more weirded out if that's how things went. You just need to relax and get used to us. Anteiku is all about being peaceful and shit and helping people and blah blah... So just do us a favor, and take the night off. Nishiki and I can hold up the fort, and you can head on home and get some rest. Call a friend. See a movie. Whatever makes you happy. I'll tell the manager and leave out the fact that you managed to sabotage three tea cup orders.. Maybe only one or two."

She concludes with a light smile, nudging my hanging leg with her own.

 _Oh._

That was unexpected.

I can't help but find her grin contagious, a smile of my own peeling across my face and a piece of the metaphorical weight (that hadn't felt too metaphorical) lifting off of me. My shoulders slump as I nod with a hum of agreement.

"Thanks Touka... That uhm- that means a lot. You don't have to be good with words to help. You're a good person, and I could feel what you said was genuine. I knew you had some sweetness deep down in you, even if you act so angry all the time."

I say as I slide off, my feet tapping against the ground, but not before I receive a pop from her hand on the back of my head. I laugh, despite that little pop sure felt like a freight train collision at full speed.

I catch a glimpse of her face flushing, the tips of her ears tinged pink as well. She whips her head away from me and crosses her arms with a sound of indignation, trying to play things off cool.

"Y- yeah whatever half- breed. Just cause I'm letting you leave early doesn't mean you're off the hook. You're still paying for the broken merchandise, and making up your hours. So don't think you're in the clear here yet, idiot."  
She bites threateningly, a scowl marring her delicate features as she points an accusing finger at me.

I take it Touka doesn't receive genuine compliments like these often.

I nod rapidly, once again beneath her angry gaze. But I could see through her, and know her quick to snap persona just meant she was flattered, but was making sure I knew she wasn't weak or vulnerable because of it. I was no Hide when it came to knowing people's true feelings, but it wasn't hard to see that she was happy for the compliment.

Still, I back myself out, undoing the back of my apron and hanging it up on the hooks.

"O- of course! I'll see you guys later!"

I exclaim over my shoulder as I grapple for my heavy rain coat. It was slung haphazardly over the coat rack from this afternoon, and I clumsily pull it off, nearly knocking over the coat hanger as well.

I manage to scamper out the door without causing any more damage, waving at my coworkers once again over my shoulder.

Just as the door closes behind me, I catch one last sight of Nishiki coughing out something jokingly, jabbing at her for the talk with a crooked smug look. Probably about the foreign rosy color painted over the bridge of her nose, because she slaps her hands over her face with a horrified sound.

"Touka! You aren't just a robot, you actually have feelings! Congr-"

He barely manages to duck out of the way of a punch, scurrying away with a laugh as she leaps over the counter after him still blushing, cursing as she reaches for something to fling.

Hopefully not another coffee cup, we've lost enough of those today.

I laugh, and shoulder on my jacket.

Maybe one day, I would be able to call this place a second home as much as my friends are able too.

Right behind my first.

 _Hide_.

-/-

The chilly December wind licks at my exposed cheeks, and I pull at my collar to try and alleviate some of the cold brunt. My fingers feel numb despite being covered by gloves, and I bring them to my face to huff hot air into them, meanwhile sidestepping a frozen puddle on the sidewalk. The lamp lights overhead illuminate my way, and I can't help but shudder and avoid looking directly into the shadows surrounding me outside this dim path of light.

Every time I have to walk home in the dark, I can't help the itching feeling that eats away at me. The fear that bubbles in my stomach is enough to make me wretch, and I still feel the traumatizing panic that flooded my system as _her_ canines sunk into the muscles of my neck, or how _her_ kagune that now resides in my back tore from her own like a grotesque horror movie reeling in my head.

When I blink, images flash, and I have to grit my teeth and clench my fists to keep from either crying or screaming. I can't go to a doctor to diagnose myself with PTSD, I'm so genuinely afraid that they'll know when they take my blood, or ask me to remove the little cotton barrier hiding the eye that I can't control. I'm not skilled enough to fight or run.

I couldn't live like a wanted Ghoul.

The realization that I'm already considered a nuisance or even a criminal because of who I am hits me hard sometimes, and it hurts knowing that I have to hide myself away.

The giggling and crunching as feet trudge through lightly iced cement draw me from my thoughts. A woman and man have their arms locked, leaning close together and nuzzling lovingly, not even bothering to look at me and risk moving their eyes from each other.

I duck my head anyway, tugging the edges of my hood as they pass, the strong scent of perfume wafting as they swiftly pace by.

I can feel my heart racing, and the memory of Uta explaining the same feeling for his human customers hit me. I can smell the hint of a human musk beneath the perfume, and it's a heady, rich scent that makes the primal part of me coil tight and threaten to burst.

The irking thought that flits through my head is how capable I am of killing now. My body is a weapon, and the four kagunes resting just beneath my skin burn with how much they'd like to be released and used. It would be so easy to liberate the dark red extra limbs, and like the extra set of arms I never knew I had, I could use them to get dirty.

They would shoot forward like a harpoons, spearing the oblivious couple before they could even register the situation. I would rip them to shreds, their cries for the other loved one or for mercy drowned out by the gargling of rising blood in their throats and the sickening snaps and tears of the fleshy vessel being demolished as easy as one takes scissors to paper. The snow would be painted crimson, spilling over the sides of the sidewalk and coloring the dank area a vibrant color. These dim lights would glint over their dead, unfocused eyes as I let them slip and fall limp to the Earth, my prey seized of life and still as a pond when the wind has died.  
I would kneel, my mouth watering as drool trickled down the bottom of my quivering lip, peeling back to reveal a maniac smile, my chest heaving and my back hunched over their still steaming corpses. My hands would scrape at the articles of clothing until they ripped, revealing plump flesh that my nails took no hesitation into digging into. A cannibalistic growl would rumble from my throat, my chest tight while my heart pounded. I could feel no remorse, no pity, no shame. Only the hunger that consumed me like I would consume these people.

These innocent people...-

I realize I had stopped treading through the slippery ice in favor of stopping to watch these people's silhouettes disappear down the sidewalk path. They were gone and I was alone.

Images still flashed past my eyes and I felt the urge to retch up any contents in my stomach as I tripped over my feet, backing away and slapping a hand over my mouth.

I was dry heaving, crouched down and pulling at my hair as tears threatened to spill. I had no control of my bodies reactions, and that lack of control tickled at the pinpoints in my back. I reached up and brushed beneath my eye to feel veins stretching from underneath the edge of my makeshift eye patch, and I lifted up, feeling cold and vulnerable.

 _When_ _was_ _the_ _last_ _time_ _I_ _had_ _eaten?_ Oh god, had it already been a month since my last meal? I was starving, my stomach grumbling and a prick of pain pressing against my abdomen.

This was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Those horrendous thoughts of murder had managed to make me hungry.

I had to get out of these streets.

Find some place to reside and get myself calm before-

The vibrating and tinkling jingle of my phone alerted me to a phone call in my front pocket, and I blinked before reaching down and pulling it free.

My best friends face nearly blinded me since my eyes had become accustomed to the night, and I squinted down at my screen. He had stolen my phone in this picture, and continued to rise it at arms length and snap a picture, two fingers held up beside his face in a peace sign with a large dimpled smile adorning him.

I feel a tranquil wave wash over me, and my shoulders lower as well as my heavy breathing. Something about that mess of blonde spiked hair and warm brown eyes calmed me.

I thumb the green answer button and draw it up to my ear.

"Hey Hide." I croak, hoping my voice isn't wavering as much as I feel like it is. It sounds as if someone has gotten my vocal chords into a tight knit fist and decided that the best course of action would be to shake it violently.

"Where you at? It sounds staticky on this end. I was just wondering if you heard about the crazy shit that went on at your apartment complex. You've been at work but you usually have the News on so I wasn't sure. Some guy got killed inside your apartment complex, and it was definitely a ghoul who did it. Things are really shady still, I don't think you should head over there. Come over here for the night."

Hides voice is crackly, and I have to concentrate to piece out his garbled speech, but the story sends a chill up my spine when the pieces fit together and I understand.

Perfect. I can't go home like this with a bunch of cops slithering around looking for suspects and evidence on a ghoul investigation. There would most definitely be CCG members as well, and CCG members are not as ignorant and oblivious as police are.

They were trained to stake out Ghouls.

And congratulations to me, I happen to be half.

"Yo Kaneki, you still on the line knucklehead?" Hide blares through the speakers, making me jump with a yelp of surprise. I hear him snort on the other end and I can't help but hiss out a curse, flushing even though he couldn't see me.

"Yeah.. I'm here. Look, I dunno, maybe it'd be best if I just got a hotel-"

"A hotel? What the hell Kaneki, are you seriously turning down an offer to sleep at your best friends house for a dingy, roach infested hotel?"

"Hide, it's a LaQuinta. It's not dingy or roach infested."

"SO?! You don't know... Plus my house is like, the house of kings. I mean, it's the chillest place. I've got lines of people piled up around the block for just a second to breath the air in here. That's how awesome it is." He brags hautilly, and I can just picture the sarcastic grin as he leans back in his rolling chair, his socked feet propped up on his computer desk as he tilts back with the phone on speaker, placed haphazardly on his chest like he always does.

I feel a sudden palpitation in my chest, and despite my fear, the fuzzy warmth spreading from my core seems to override it. I nibble on my lower lip, and kick at the ground with my toe bashfully, little flakes of ice twirling up from the ground from the disturbance.

"Yeah? You could manage to squeeze a spot in for me even with so many waiting customers?"

There's a quiet, silent pause, and I feel a sudden sinking in my gut, hoping I hadn't said the wrong thing. I was about to check and make sure that we were still connected, when I hear his voice, gravely from the poor connection but the same, warm tone I could never forget.

"There's always a spot for you here Kaneki. Always."

-/-

After a brisk half hour walk, I stand at the front door to Hide's apartment. My throat bobs with the dry swallow as I try to adjust the collar of my shirt and smooth out any wrinkles that bunch up on my white, button up dress shirt.

Why am I so fidgety? Gosh I probably look creepy right now. All shadowy with my face tucked into my hood to conceal my features, my posture less than admirable as I shift from foot to foot, and the sneaky glances around me and over my shoulder.

Even one of the neighbors dogs is going ballistic at the sight of me, it's furry snout poking past the curtains behind the glass pane window with a snarl.

Maybe I should get over myself and knock now before suspicion gets worse and people get the idea I'm stealing or something.

I rap my knuckles apprehensively on his door shyly, afraid I might be causing too much of a racket for the surrounding neighbors or Hide himself. I never liked to make Hide feel unhappy or annoyed, and whenever he was, despite the reason, I sometimes couldn't help but feel at fault. Hide was one of the only things that I kept close, and he was absolutely my favorite thing next to reading. When he was near, I felt like a better person, and my mom used to have a little saying that went with a feeling such as that.

 _"You know Ken, when you find the right someone, you'll know it by the way you feel. You're already whole, but sometimes finding the person you love, and want to spend the rest of your life with, you never feel complete until they're there. You'll know when you find them that you're a better person. Place your hand over your heart and there's as well, I have heard from wise men that you'll feel them beating together... That's how you'll know... You'll find that special girl one day son."_

Her words echo in my skull, and I cling to them like a vice. I didn't even realize my hand has steadily crooked itself up to press over my heart, but I clench my fingers over the shirt I had so desperately tried to fix when I came up here, feeling its measured pumps.

I hate to break it to you mom... You may have always believed you were right, but I'm positive you go one aspect wrong.

That special girl isn't a girl. And it just so happens to be the little boy you invited over for sleep overs, play dates, and cooked dinner for.

Too bad your little piece of wisdom didn't come with directions on knowing if the other was just as gay for you as you were for them.

I was worrying my lip between my teeth, hating that I was here so late from such a dumb bunch of events. I mean, I don't like hearing about senseless violence, and the poor bastard that that ghoul killed was probably a good family man who didn't deserve it, but why did he have to die around my damn apartment of all places? I could be curled up under my own comforter now, and not here psyching myself up to see my BEST FRIEND because I had a crush.

Especially as hungry as I am. Yomo had been working with me on self control, and I was climbing a difficult path too success, but that didn't mean I was fully capable of myself yet. I could feel the electricity of excitement in my fingertips at the prospect, and I had to pinch at my arm a little.

I wouldn't hurt Hide. I couldn't hurt Hide. Hide can't know about this side of me. Hide will hate me. Hide will be afraid of me-

I suddenly feel dread paling my features. Maybe I should go now... I feel so stressed, its like my stomach is in a constant loop and my insides are a jumbled, knotted mess. Stress doesn't help with any of whats going on with me right now, and I feel like I'm about to puke. That dog is still barking, gosh can it _just shut up already?_

Maybe if I-

My thoughts are ground to a halt when the door swings open, the light haloing around the familiar figure blocking the frame. His hair is adorably messy on his head and his chocolate brown eyes flash at the sight of me.

That dimpled smile that he always wears juts out like a sore thumb compared to the dead and cold winter surroundings, and his sun kissed skin seems to glow with a warmth I want to bury and wrap myself up in.

"Hi MTV, welcome to my crib. Come inside! A cute guy such as yourself shouldn't be hanging out in cold weather like this anyway." He purrs with a flirtatious and joking wink. That's around the time I feel my knees suddenly forget how to be knees and instead decide jello is a much better form.

Literally.

I tilt forward, almost like a swoon, and last thing I see is Hide's hazel eyes widening and a rushed shout leaving his lips just as I fall face first into the pavement.

Then black filters in and I'm knocked out just as cold as the ground pressed against my cheek.

 _Way to go Kaneki... You've outdone yourself again._

This time, it just so happens it's right in front of the friend who isn't so much of a friend anymore, more like a prince in shining armor, just like in the fairytale books I used to read as a kid.

Except this princess just took a tumble and knocked her dumb ass self out.

Sigh.

-/-

"Fuuuck..."

The word is escaping my lips in a pained breathy wisp as soon as I come to, and I wince as I bring a hand up to caress my newly bandaged forehead.

The touch has me jerking away with a yelp, and my brow furrows along with a string of obscenities.

'Ow ow ow ow ow..."

"Ah, interesting word choice for a prince such as yourself. Good morning Kaneki, welcome back to the world of the living."

I hear Hide chime, his socked feet padding across the room as he approaches me on the couch. I struggle to sit up, situating the ice pack on my head and the blankets encased around my lithe form, and only look up when I feel a shift on the cushions as Hide takes a seat at the foot of the couch.

Two steaming mugs of something sweet wafted through the air, and I eye them with a gentle smile. Hot cocoa. Most likely with the sprinkle of cinnamon and the whipped cream topping that Hide has made for me over the years every time I get sick and catch a cold.

Which used to be often, I was quite the sickly little kid. While Hide was often the worrisome caretaker.

Caretaker and my home.

"My famous Kaneki- Cocoa, hot and ready to take care of that snot... Or... Uhm... Eh, not really the most appealing rhyme for a drink, but old habits aren't the easiest to die."

I crinkle my nose with a snort, and reach out to take the cup from him.

"Thanks Hide... Uhm... Sorry for kind of, you know, doing that..."

"Oh, you mean when you ate the pavement outside my front door or when you almost turned down an offer to spend the night at my house for a dingy hotel room?"

"Dork... Though a hotel would of probably been cleaner..." I tease, at the amount of scattered clothes and piled up dishes and such littering the living room. It still amazes me how Hide can be so scatter brained sometimes, but also so intuitive and sharp as a knife other times.

I'm like, the complete opposite.

"Ha! Then who would of dragged your ass in after you decided that gravity was too much of a hassle? Knew you were clumsy but tripping was a bit of surprise, especially cause you were standing still." Hide jokes with a sinister bark of laughter, and I feel like I just got branded on either one of my cheeks as I blush.

"I- I didn't trip! I- my knees... I fainted or something! And that wouldn't of happened at the hotel because you wouldn't of- I mean... It wasn't you! I didn't do that because you were here o- or anything-" I try to deny, waving my hands in front of me whilst trying to get myself to shut up as I dig myself a deeper hole with the more I ramble.

Damn Hide for just leaning back with that quirked, mocking eyebrow, his crossed arms comfortably nestled behind his head as he waits for me to stop. Which somehow, I finally manage with a garbled sound of self hate and the stripping of any kind of pride I still contained.

 _Damn his personality that draws me closer. Damn his messy tufts of hair. Damn his boyish smile and those craters on either cheek. Damn his voice. Damn his confidence. Damn his attractive figure. Damn his high cheekbones and defined jaw. Damn his cute laugh. Damn his caramel skin. Damn his dark eyes. Damn his-_

"Huh..."

 _Damn him for being what I want. Damn him for being oblivious. Damn him for being so caring and loving. Damn him for taking care of him. Damn him for being so perfect._

"..."

 _Damn him for making me love him._

"Well, I've never had someone faint over my looks at my doorstep. Should I take it as a compliment? I mean, I will admit I'm totally flattered-"

His words stop, and I'm swallowing whatever witty follow up he probably would use to get me more flustered. I'm... I'm swallowing his words?... That means.

 _Oh my God._

My shaky hands are twitching uncertain over the biceps I have handfuls of, whether afraid of him pulling away or just me needing leverage to keep my dizzy head from causing another black out, I wasn't entirely sure.

All I know is his lips, slightly chapped but soft, are like heaven touching mine, though it's more of a forced smashed together than a touch. I have my eyes wrenched shut tightly, afraid that if I open them I'll see a mirrored expression of horror, though his will be for a different reason. Out teeth slightly clacked a bit when I lurched forward, and a trickle of blood drawn from his lip seeps into the cavern of my mouth, sparks flooding me.

His blood is so damn sugary, like melted chocolate, and I find I don't want to eat it, but savor it. Roll it around my taste buds while I trace his lips with the tip of my tongue. I'm pushing him back, my hands dragging from his sturdy arms to splay over the biceps beneath his cotton shirt, leaning over him as he drops down to the couch cushions without hesitance or denial. I can feel his heart beat beneath my hand, the organ supplying him with this intoxicating taste, and when I feel his mouth open with an accepting grace, I plunge my tongue in greedily.

It's heated and distressed, our mouths melded together into a hungry frenzy of pants and exchanged moans while his hands roam down my back before slipping smoothly into my back pockets. My body is pumping full of adrenaline and fuming with a hidden amount of courage I wasn't aware I possessed. But here I am, our tongues clashing clumsily together and my hands finally finding solace with fistfuls of that sunshine light hair tangled between my fingers.

He sighs heavily, and his hot breath huffs into my mouth as I pull away to nip and drag my teeth around his swollen lips. He's like a treat, one I earned, and I lick his lower lip into my mouth only to suck lewdly and bite with a growl rumbling from my chest. Our bodies are meshed together, and I feel like we are one, the hotness radiating from the sensitive skin beneath my clothes becoming unbearable. I want to strip us both and feel that tan skin mixing with my pale, our bodies rolling and pressing and moving together.

I grudgingly tear my mouth away from him, wanting to look down and examine the mess I've left Hide in. By the sound of his ragged breathes, and the sporadic rhythm of his heart, I would say he's feeling just as wrecked and wonderful as I am in this moment.

He's staring up at me, perhaps a little choked up with a stifled sentence lingering behind his mouth, and I'm egging him on with my eyes locked intently on his.

Say it.

 _Say you want me like I want you. Say you want me to kiss you again. Say you've waited just as long as I have for this. Say you love me even if it's too soon. Say you're mine. You've always been mine._

Say it.

 _Say you're mine, mine, mine, mi-_

"...Ka- kaneki... Y- your eye... What's w- wrong with your eye?"


End file.
